What should I do? Workplace issues!?

by admin on July 13, 2010

Ok, let me start by giving you the situation. I started working at this job about 6 months ago. When I started working here there was a cool guy that always was trying to talk to me and people told me that he had a crush on me and he wanted me to leave my boyfriend. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years, so i told him that we should just be friends. Well he kept insisting, for my birthday he even gave me a dozen roses in this beautiful vase and brought it to work. I started to actually kinda like him. So when me and my boyfriend got mad and broke up for a few days, he took the opportunity to ask my out on a date and I agreed. We went to the movies and had a good time. The next day his friend here at work was emailing my co-worker who works with me and on accident and email that they sent to each other got sent to me. She forwarded it to me on accident. And the email said that this guy from work had said i tried to kiss him on our date but he didn’t want to because he respected me too much to kiss on the first date and blah blah blah… it was a total lie. I never tried to kiss him and I wouldn’t have let him kiss me anyway. Well i got mad at him because of that but eventually i forgave him for saying those things. So we kept talking, we would text now and then, but i got back with my boyfriend so he was mad. he kept trying to ask me out but i didn’t want to. I wanted to know him just as friends. Well eventualy he got tired and started asking another girl out.

Then his friend at work here who is a girl and me were friends too. Well she kept telling me that he was having so much fun with this new girl and blah blah blah. So i was like, ok are you trying to make me jealous? I liked him but i mean it would be unfair of me to expect him to wait around for me. Well it got to the point where i told her to stop talking about him. So her and i got kinda mad. Well then we had another incident that a girl here at work is hated by everyone. Especially this guy at his friend here at work. But i started to hang out with her because she’s really cool and i think just think people misjudge her. well they took it as though i was trying to get back at them by hanging out with their "enemy". So finally we had a potluck here at work and i was asked to plan it. i told them we should just have everyone bring their favorite dish so everyone can eat whatever they want. Well this guy and his friend decided that wanted tamales and pozole and they wanted everyone to pitch in money to make the two dishes, two dishes made with pork. Well i don’t like pork too much and others here at work don’t either. So i said why don’t we add an extra dish of something else so those who don’t eat pork can enjoy something else. Well this guy’s friend went off on me telling me that I always want things my way and that why can’t i let them do what they want. Well i got mad and said why do they always have to be against me in everything. To make a long story short. Neither of them talk to me now. I feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me because i didn’t want to date him. And she doesn’t want to talk to me because i’m talking to her enemy. I just feel like we’re all adults and we come here to work, not gossip. So now they invite my co-worker to after work things and they talk about how much fun they have and blah blah blah, and they do it in front of me. I feel left out.

What should i do? sometimes i don’t even feel like coming to work because it’s so much drama. Should i just apologize and get it over with even though I feel like i did nothing wrong? maybe i led the guy on. even though i did tell him i had a boyfriend and he knew it… help what should i do in this situation. fix things or just let them be?

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{ 1 comment }

Dee Dee A July 13, 2010 at 7:22 am

Hi there, I say, "let it go." Let me explain why and also sum up how I see all of this.

First off the only mistake you probably made was to date this guy for the one night that you did. Well, when you had a boyfriend to accept flowers from your co-worker guy was not the best thing you could have done either. But, since you did, it made it easy for you to turn to him when you and your boyfriend of 6 years had a fight. Well, honey this guy at work was just waiting for that chance to come along. You should never have even told him, but of course you already was kind of liking him. Still a no-no. Then for him to make up the lie about you wanting to kiss him, that should have shown you how immature he really was.

So, moving pass all of that, he then started dated another girl at work. Your girl co-worker/friend felt it was her "duty" to fill you in on all the happy couples dates and why? You ask if it was to make you jealous? Yes, it could have been, so what kind of friend is she really? Now if that is not what she was trying to do, then why did she get mad at you when you told her to stop talking to you about them? Still you counted her as a "good" friend? Although, I question why you were so upset about hearing of the two of them? I mean even if he was someone you "dated" for (one) date, and never even kissed, and now you are back with your boyfriend of 6 years, I question why this should have bothered you so much?

Then you make friends with a girl from work that needs friends. That is some good points in your corner. We all need friends and for you to take her under your wing by making friends with her, you will someday be blessed for doing that. If the other people at work don’t like it and would rather gossip that is on them. Who cares? I know you should not. You are doing the correct thing. It is not easy to make friends with those that others are against, so you should be proud of yourself for being a good person and I hope that you will always stand by that.

As far as the pork dishes goes, you were the one in charge of planning it to begin with, you said. So when they said you always want things your way, you should have pointed out that you thought you were put in charge of it. Now rather you are a person that always want your own way or not, I do not know. But as far as the pot luck goes, no I do not think you were out of place, but I do believe your co-workers were. Next time when one comes up, have everyone write down the item they want to bring on a paper and have it hanging up for all to see and add to.That way nobody will bring too many of the same items. Everyone should be allowed to bring what they would like to. Sounds like a few people were on their high horse.

So as far as your one friend at work not liking your "new" friend that is just too darn bad. You are an adult and can make friends with whoever you want. Tell your "old" friend you like her and want to still get along with her and want her for a friend, but you will be friends with the other girl too. That you are all adults and need to act that way. You are not taking sides and will not ever talk bad about one to the other.

I would NOT tell anyone I was sorry, as you have done nothing wrong. If they want to act like snobs that is up to them, just don’t be a part of it. Maybe you and your boyfriend can have this "new" friend over sometime and let her meet other friends outside of the work place. Trust me honey sometimes people that we would never think will turn out to be our best friends in life. They are usually the "rock" of friendships.

I wish you much happiness in and out of work, and please stand up for the underdogs in life. It takes a strong person to do this, but the awards you get in your life will he overwhelming, trust me. Aunt DeeDee.

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